I'm going to write a little bit today about something I think is dumb. Beating up women. I think it is worse than smoking marijuana. I think it is worse than taking hgh to make yourself hit more home runs. I think it is worse than saying mean things to or about other people. You know who doesn't agree with me? The NFL, MLB, and NBA, and the proof is in the pudding.
I'll start with the NFL. It seems that in 2014, fifteen guys have been suspended for violating the league's substance abuse policy. Good for the the NFL. Drugs are bad mmmkay? Most of those suspensions are a mandatory four games, two are for six games, one is for a whole season, and two more are indefinite. So, the total number of years players have been suspended in 2014 for taking ped's or flunking a drug test (oftentimes for marijuana which happens to actually be legal in some states) = An infinite number of games.
That's harsh penalties and I assume most of it is deservedly so.
Next up in the NFL. Saying mean things.
Vikings special teams coordinator Mike Priefer allegedly said some pretty bad/homophobic stuff to their kicker and there was an investigation, and though it hasn't been to actual court yet, the NFL handed down a 3 game suspension. I agree with this. When you're the boss you help to create the workplace environment and what he is accused of saying was wrong.
Third for the NFL: Punching your soon to be wife into unconciousness and dragging her by the hair from an elevator and it is caught on tape.
Ray Rice did this. He admitted to it. (Probably because it is on tape) He's being punished in a court of law. 2 game suspension.
Two games? For real? So if he would have gone on a homophobic rant just beforehand would he have gotten just the stiffer three game suspension or do you think they would have added up the two and given him five? Like I said before, I'm fine with the 3 game suspension for the Vikings coach, but he would have been better off punching his wife in the face, maybe even dropping her down a flight of stairs. Better yet, I wonder how many games a player would get if he punched his pregnant wife in the belly? Yeah, child abuse and woman beating wrapped into one. That's gotta be worth a big suspension. Oh wait, that's happened before? Yep, but it was in MLB...
Flash back to January of 2000. It's cold, or hot, depending on where you are on this planet, but I know where Pedro Astacio was. He was beating the crap out of his pregnant wife. Suspension? Zero games. He started on opening day for the Rockies.
Josh Luecke, a pitcher for the Tampa Bay Rays rapes a woman, pleads it down to sexual assault and false imprisonment, (if you falsely imprison someone and then sexually assault them I guess it isn't rape?) then does 42 days in jail. Suspension? Zero games.
The list goes on and on in MLB, but now I need to get to the real crimes. Yeah, the ones way worse than beating pregnant women and raping.
Pete Rose: Banned for life. Gambling on games and being a pompous jerk. Yep, those are horrible.
Alex Rodriguez: Suspended for an entire season. Took some PED's. Lied about it. Tried not to get caught. People don't like him much. Pretty terrible stuff.
Ryan Braughn: Suspended 65 games for taking PEDs. He lied and lied about it too, tried to cover it up, slandered other people, and then even beat the rap, but then he got busted and cried and cried, so they only gave him the 65 games instead of a season like A Rod.
OK, so the list goes on and on here too. These guys are jerks and cheaters and through my use of simple math based on suspensions they are infinitely worse people than the guys who punched their pregnant wives and got all rapey that one night. You know, boys will be boys. (Just wanna make sure everyone sees the sarcasm there in that last statement.)
Jason Kidd: He got a dui. Those are bad. Don't drive drunk. 2 game suspension. He punched his wife in the face, got arrested for it, everyone pretty much admitted it. ZERO game suspension.
Ron Artest: Wait a minute. Ron Artest plead guilty to a domestic violence charge and got a 7 game suspension. WOW! Seven games! That's great! I mean it's the same amount of time he got for elbowing James Harden during a game and 79 games fewer than he got for running up in the stands after that guy threw a cup of ice on him when he was laying on the scorers table and 59 games less than Latrell Sprewell got for choking P.J. Carlissimo at practice (Sprewell made the egregious mistake of assaulting another man. Tisk. Tisk. Latrell), and 4 games less than Rodman got for kicking that cameraman (should have said you thought he was a girl Dennis.) etc. etc.
And then there is Donald Sterling. He said stupid hateful stuff. He got caught. He's a bad guy and he's paying the price by being given two billion dollars. Er, I mean, he's banned from the league. OK, never mind, being given two billion dollars for your team that was estimated to be worth 600-800 million when this whole thing started is not a punishment, so I guess he's smelling like roses now too, although I guess people don't like him much. I could probably deal with it for a couple of billion.
So, to wrap it up. If you want to run afoul of the commissioner in any of the three major sports you want to do it by beating on women. Smoking weed, driving too fast, choking your head coach, taking peds, calling people bad names, and even criticizing the officials (I forgot to mention that people get fined for criticizing officiating all of the time, which is more than the zero punishments most get for beating their wives/girlfriends) All of those things are considered worse by the sports' collective commisioners. They wouldn't say that to your face, but I haven't heard from Roger Goodell in the last few days talking about how proud he is of the stand they took on Ray Rice knocking his wife unconcious and dragging her out of an elevator by her hair. Wait, I suppose that's probably because he isn't proud and sends other lemmings out to take the fall for what is ultimately his decision. Well played mister Goodell, but I don't think I'm sold. I guess I'll just sit here still not beating my wife.
So ends the blog for today. Next week I'll talk a little about the re-issue of my first novel Rex Chase, and the impending September release of The Sentinel. Have a happy hump day everyone!
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