2015!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The year I become a gamer...

I was going to use 2015 exclamation points in the title, but that seems a bit superfluous. Fifteen will just have to do. Hello everyone! It's been a couple of months. I know I've been slacking on the blog, but I have literally been too doggone busy. Is that how you spell doggone? I'm not looking it up. 

As I've written about before I'm teaching at Washington Intermediate School, putting in a couple days a week at Chilis, writing books, and still doing this whole husband/father thing. My plan over the Christmas break was to catch up on some of my blog/book stuff, maybe get a hundred pages or so written, hang out with the kids, hang out with the rest of the family who was here, and try to relax a little.

Instead we got sick. Both boys ran fevers for the better part of a week, and Chase had the unenviable burden of having a cough bad enough for everyone. It was kind of him to shoulder that kind of load. I didn't really fall too ill myself, but wasn't quite right for a couple of days. My wife managed to skip it altogether, which was good for her. 

So, what did I get done? Video games. Lots and lots of video games.

I'm not really much of a gamer myself. I'm a little on the impatient side when it comes to learning WiiU or Xbox or Playstation. So many buttons. So many choices. Which way do I turn? Someone shot me in the head already? We just started. This sucks. Oh, I came back to life? Sweet. Alright, where am I? Walking up a stairwell. Sweet. Alright. Which button cycles through my weapons? I got shot in the head again? This sucks. 

Lets play something else. Skylanders? Cool. Which guy am I? Wildfire? He sounds awesome. He's a lion too? Sweet. What's he do? He has a shield, a fire whip, and fire roar? Rock on. What do I do with all that stuff? I dash with the shield, whip people with the fire whip, and breathe fire like a dragon with the fire roar? Awesome. How do I do that? I push Z, then A, another for B, combos of each will do different sweet moves, and I should just figure it out as I go? Alright, let's get out there and save the Phoenix Chicken. What? This is a just a mission so I can practice? Perfect. Let's do this. Alright. I'm trying. I don't know what I'm doing. I'm sorry. I'm trying. Someone keeps hitting me! I can't even find who is hitting me! Ooooh, sweet, I figured out how to fire roar. This is awesome. DIE DOOMRAIDERS! What? I'm dead already. This sucks.

I'm sorry, I'm no good at this. What? Maybe I'll be better at Super Smash Bros? OK. What do I do? Who do I want to be? I don't care. Who never dies and kicks a lot of butt? Oh, you customized a guy named Dark Pitt and he's awesome? Sweet. I can't use him though because he's yours? Oh, you signed me up to fight as princess peach? Alright, she's pretty tough too you say? Awesome. Let's fight. Here we go! A, A, A, Z, Z, Z. MOVE PEACH! YOU'RE GETTING DESTROYED AND YOU'RE JUST STANDING THERE! I'm dead already? I have another life? Awesome. Z, Z, Z, Z. YOU SUCK PEACH! What? Y attacks better? Well, Y didn't you tell me that? Ha ha. I kill me. Alright. Y, Y, Y, Y, Y, and I'm dead again.  This sucks.

Yeah, you're right. I suck. Mario Kart 8 is probably more my speed. Let's give it a shot. Who am I racing as? Oh, that doesn't matter? What matters is my cart, the wheels, and the glider I pick? Great. Teach me how to do that. Thanks. OK, we're ready to race. GO! Oh, I'm in last. I'm still in last. Why is everyone pulling away from me so fast? I get it. You guys tricked me into building a crappy cart. Ha, ha. Let's start over. OK, I have a competitive cart now. GO! Ooooooh, I'm in 6th, 5th, 4th! Ohhhhhh, I wrecked. I'm in last. Go, Yoshii go! I'm catching up! And I wrecked. Alright, new game. I'll do better. Go! 6th, 4th, 2nd, FIRST!!!!! Alright keep calm. This is your race to win. Just don't wreck. Don't wreck. WHAT JUST HAPPENED! Someone picked up a mystery box and shot me with a red turtle shell! Now I'm in LAST! This sucks.

Maybe I'll be better at Legend of Zelda: Hyrule Warrior? Maybe? I doubt it though. I'm feeling a bit beaten. Maybe I'll just watch. Yeah, I'm better at watching.

Multiply each of these incidences by about 1000 and have it last for hours on end and you essentially have an idea of how my kids dominate me at video games. Sometimes I hold them down and tickle them just to remind them who's the boss. Now, if we busted out the old school Atari and you wanted to do a little RiverRaid battle, I'm your man, but even being a lazy sick old man for a couple of weeks hasn't brought me into the modern land of gaming. I'll just have to stick to the Father/Husband/Teacher/Writer/Musician course and leave gaming as a good way to boost my kids' self esteem. Yeah, that's it, I'll stay bad on purpose. Good idea.

So, that was my first blog of 2015. Guess what? I have books for sale. You should buy them. Head to the shop section of the site, or Amazon, or Barnes and Noble, or Kobo, or Apple, I recently sold some on Scribd, which I don't even know what that is... Also, I'm not really a resolutions kind of guy and according to Chase my resolution for 2015 is to "fart less, and therefore stink less", but I did make another resolution this year, and that's to write two books in 2015. I have all the ideas in the world, I just gotta find the time. HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Posted on January 3, 2015 .