Sick sick bo bick banana fana fo fick me my mo mick SICK!!!



You want to know something I am truly horrible at, other than pool, golf, and tiddlywinks?  I actually don't know if I've ever played tiddlywinks.  It just kind of popped into my mind, so I wrote it.  You know what?  That's how this week's blog is going to be.  First thing that pops into my mind.  That's what I'm going to write, with no editing or correcting or resequencing or anything.  Is resequencing a word?  I don't know.  My grammar check seems to have a problem with it, but guess what?  I don't care.  Wanna know why?  


Because I'm sick.



Actually sick too.  Not sick and tired of people's crap, or sick of the man, or sick of freeloaders or sick of selena gomez.  Yep, just noticed I didn't capitalize that.  Tough.  I also realized that I'm actually in no way sick of Ms. Gomez.  That wizard show she was on was kind of funny.  Her name just popped into my head, so, sorry Selena .  I'm honest to goodness, down in the dumps, icky tummy, achy everything sick.  I've been that way since last Thursday and like I said before.

i suck at it.

I remember when I was a little kid, and not like 3 years old little, I don't remember that.  I'm talking about when I was probably 8-18 or so.  Anyway, I remember that all I had to do to get better then was go to sleep.  I'd get 15 hours of sleeping done, wake up, eat some jello my mommy gave me, drink some sprite my mommy gave me, and go back to sleep for another 15 hours, then BAM!!!, I'm all better.  That was awesome and that's the way I prefer to get it done, but it just doesn't seem to work that way anymore.  

Instead I wake up and its like 

Me:  Man.  I feel bad.

Kids:  We still need stuff!

Work:  You still gotta come here.

Me:  Yeah, I know.  This sucks.

Now, I'm not going to say that my family didn't cut me a break, because they most certainly did.  They're actually pretty good about taking care of themselves when their mom or I aren't feeling well, even at ages 5 and 7.  Obviously the 7 year old is better than the 5 year old, but I actually think they kind of like it because they get a lot more yes answers than usual.

Kids:  Dad, can we have ice cream for breakfast?

Me:  (Head propped on three pillows because snot is pouring out of my body, which is curled into the fetal position underneath two blankets while laying on a heating pad and freezing while sweating to death.)  Yes.  Please only ask me questions if you're dying.

Kids:  Dad can we play in the highway?

Me:  Yes.  Don't die.

Kids:  Dad, we broke your chainsaw while we were playing with it in the highway..

Me:  Are you dead?

Kids:  No.

                         Me:  Good...

As far as I'm concerned my boys are 1000 times smarter and 1000 times less psycho than that dude in Texas Chainsaw Massacre and he got to play with chainsaws that whole movie.  So, yeah. as long as no dying is involved.

 I got kind of lucky with the whole work thing too, as in I wasn't scheduled for anything on Thursday, Friday, or Monday that I couldn't easily get out of, and that's what I did.  I got out of it, and not because I can't go to work sick.  I've done it tons of times before.  This was a special kind of sick.  The doubled over in pain nothing stays in your stomach you don't want to be farther than 10 feet from the bathroom kind.  Miserable.

After fighting the good fight, medicine free for two days I finally decided to get something to help.  Actually, I tried before that, but we don't get sick very often and the closest medicine to being in date was the pepto bismol with a date of Aug 2011.  I still almost drank it.  Anyway, I wasn't sure what to buy, but as a I struggled to the counter at the CVS loaded with Kaopectate, Gas-x, and other remedies I made eye contact with the 16 year old clerk.  He obviously felt bad for me and offered to help me carry me stuff.  Mind you, I had one bag, and I almost took him up on it.  If he would have offered to drive me home I would have taken that.  I know buying Gas-x certainly didn't have me feeling very young.

My wife was a trooper too, but was scheduled to work just about every day.  She went to work, then came home and made me jello, although she did forget to bring me that bomb hospital ice so that I could chew on it and my mouth wouldn't be so horribly dry, but I forgave her for that.  Anyway, she was nice to me, and didn't make fun of me, and got me stuff I needed.  I think I'll keep her around a while longer.

I am actually feeling better as I write this, and I did go to work today, which was only semi-crappy.  I'm still not 100%.  I'd put myself at 77.3%.  Walking up three steps to get back into the house is still wearing me out, and reading to the kids today at school almost killed me, but I'm at least able to fake it now.  I've weaned myself off the Gas-X and Kaopectate and have even managed to put whole entire meals in my belly without expelling them immediately, which is nice.  Moral of the story.  Don't get sick.  It sucks.



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Posted on May 7, 2014 .